revisiting, celebrating, pondering... being me

now why didn't i think of this before? sitting in a balcony, feet up on a chair, cuppa tea deliciously warm, cool morning breeze wafting various breakfasts cooking, myriad birds -- almost all some shade of green, clouds racing across an azure sky, the sun delighted to peek through after days... laptop on my lap (uh...), writing and musing -- oops and a big big bumble bee!

bliss? touch wood.

31st July, sunday. aaah. the day stretched lazily ahead, threatening to come alive with go-heres, go-theres. sure enough, by the time 11 am rolled around we had ordered a sumo (10-seater car) and set off to a lunch appointment and then to that ancient, beautiful temple again... the two trips to the temple couldnt have been more different. the heavens opened up when we got there and dumped a bunch of rain as we sat huddled in our car watching unperturbed buffalos tethered and chewing cud while straggly locals crammed under non-existent overhangs.

the crepuscular sun managed to sneak a few rays through when the rain stopped, but not before huge puddles succeeded in making it impossible for us to keep our feet dry. when we walked in, the nicely bathed temple shone golden in the evening sun as grey and white clouds cloaked the hills behind. couldnt have asked for a better setting. breaking away from the gang, i walked through the several courtyards into the bath area and circled clockwise taking in the emptiness, still eloquent, again. i had to be pulled away by the rest, but only in body. i still relish and regurgitate those hues, walls, that color of light, that speaking silence... this has to be my favorite temple to date.

now, if only i could arrange that each time i go back, it rains, clears and the sunlight lends that brass-gold quality to everything around.

ok, what follows is a rather dry account of sanjana's party. just for chronicling sake:
29 July 2005: the house started filling up. by the 30th evening it was brimming with small rainbow-colored people and large colored people. smiley faces, samosas, corn bhel, jello, snoooopy cake (iced at home), tri-colored sandwiches, haka noodles -- spicy and non, lollipops, streamers with stars, balloons in pastels, curly ribbons and much chattering was in attendance. of course there were games and treasure hunt puzzles which the kids and some adults digged (or is it dug?). so despite having barely enough standing room, the evening was loud and happy and sanjana turned 4 publicly amidst what i called a "rainbow riot."

strangely enough, overcome by a bout of shyness, she disappeared exactly during the cake cutting and candle blowing do -- much like supriya used to, when she was little. no amount of coaxing or cajoling brought her out, so the cake was cut by mom, and fittingly, a compliant whiff of breeze blew out the candles :)

i realized that 10 years of association stays with you everywhere you go. woefully lost while planning, i had no clue what this new set of invitees and sanjana's friends would care for. it was a case of "if this were phoenix" azcoolgroup this, azcoolgroup that. in the end, the people were too polite to speak their mind and they all left with "it was fun, thanks." wokay, come yegain ;)

have you seen mr and mrs iyer? another movie that pulled me back to it each time i tried to move on.

have you ever tried to sketch your own character? how would you behave when this happens... when that happens? when nothing happens? are you happy? no, wrong question. what is happiness to you? really... think about it. $79K in the bank? $200K? more? being home when little feet get off a school bus? what would you give up? are you doing what you like? look in the mirror. like what you see? hmmmm. now now. mr and mrs iyer poses none of the above, these are random musings on a quiet morning. and rather important stuff, me thinks.

musing away... on the cool breeze of a sweet day... (hum this to the tune of "skating away" by Jethro Tull)