announcement!

yeah, yeah, i would never have thought. in a familiar role again. though now i am in a different country with different norms. and i have to prepare sanjana who, as it is, gets to see me only in the evenings for a few hours on school days. just when i was relishing freedom and free hands, i decided (well, it kinda happened) to get encumbered again.

all those plans of adopting will have to wait now. a little at least. and this time, i will be putting on weight merrily -- where i was able to easily resist the intel canteen food in the US, india is different. intel india canteen, i mean.

yeah, i'm getting blue.... blue-badged and cubed.

what did you think?

with ambivalence towards one and all

to return or to stay another year? to write or to earn (two different things, u know)? to conserve or to consume? to drive or to walk? complete and wholehearted ambivalence.

not sure about you, but my life has been full of contradictions. feel one thing, want one thing but do something else. or, as i like to tell myself, life happens. but i end up being two things simultaneously, inside and out or inside out. or thinking two opposite things. feeling this way and that.

like the other day. someone walks up to the closed car window and taps. i ignore -- then steal a glance. a kid. turning cartwheels. i turn away then look again ... and stare. she's really good. in the back of my mind i remember a report. this is their life. their earnings are what you deign to surrender. (your pride, your principles or your dineros.) i'm confused. will she go hungry because i ignored? so i reach in. the lights change and we pull away.

darn! regret and relief. at once. next time, i tell myself. next time i'll give that child. but the next time is an able man with a young child. a girl. geez. will she get any or will he get his daaru? unsure and yet willing. after all i'd promised myself, next time. i reach in again and yet again the light saves me. or dooms me... to my ambivalence.

5pm bombay airport departure gate. a little boy selling magazines. no thanks, i don't want any. i glance at them anyway. no, nothing i want. "please, sister -- i need money for school." he's fibbing. i walk away. but something pulls me back. ambivalence? which school? "vakola government school" he answers with surprise. i shove a 20 rupee note into his hand and grab an inconsequential glossy. study well. "yes sister." will he, wont he?

richmond road, 12:30pm the next day. a girl turning cartwheels. a-ha. i'm ready with my heavy fiver. she taps, i roll the glass down a tad. slip the fiver in. she beams and turns to join her brother. will she eat? was i right? did i perpetuate a hopeless situation? shouldn't she be in school? everyday the same questions, every signal offers the same dilemmas.

my editor told me he was going to teach a class in the singapore school of journalism about the morality of indulging beggars. analyzing these doubts. and how to report on it. i think i need that class.

not for reporting, just for sleeping easy. until then, my ambivalence has free hand as it dances in front of me mocking my every decision.

many happy returns...

milestones i couldn't be there in person for, but thought of you all...

Suneel, Avantika, Maya, Nandini, Atul, Aria, Rahul, Runali, Ankit, Happy birthday!
Nandu-Raj, Id-Zee, Gau-Suneel, Bineet-Sarita, Deepa-Marsh, Happy anniversary!

Many happy returns to you all... some belated, some in advance.
we miss you all.

;)a

hats off to saif

salaam namaste, last night, alone (sanat is ni hao-ing in chi-country). nothing better than to stretch out and enjoy saif ali khan to the fullest. if you ask me, he is the hindi film industry's best comedian. not in buffoonery, mind you, but in pure unadulterated expressions that have you clutching your sides and guffawing. javed jaffery's dialogues also were to die for.

Lathon ke bhooth baaton se nahin maante
Ghost of the kicks not listening to the talks

typical indian fashion of planting "the"s everywhere and butchering english. and somehow preity, even with a tad bit of over-reacting and being loud, endears herself to you immediately with those happy dimples and heart-felt smile. arshad warsi is the unassuming find of the hindi film industry. the guy can act (have you seen sehar?) and is great at comedy -- again, not buffoonery of keshto, jagdeep and johnny lever, yuk -- but just reacting perfectly -- no overacting here -- to absolutely silly situations. yup, you can tell i loved the movie.

the disbelief part: whoever heard of a radio jockey's salary paying for med school in a first world country and a beach house to rent?! last i heard, med school kids only sleep in their spare time, being on call most nights. but preity (hambar... no, ambar), studying to become a surgeon has time for plenty more. and she does up the house really well... but again, these things cost money, no? not in australia apparently ;)

but hey -- thankfully, the movie is not judgemental or preachy about anything -- living-in before marriage, pregnancy before marriage, abortion, etc. adults (you know, parents, in-laws etc) are left out of it and it is purely a 20-30-something's point of view. came across as a pretty honest take.

the funny part is, i was looking for serious movies to watch (Utsav, Ghar) but no one had them and Salaam-namaste came my way instead.

willing suspension of disbelief is a small price to pay for a good laugh.

inspirations

there is a girl i have known since i was 6. she grew up to be slim and tall, ramrod straight with a head full of curls. with a voice like a tinkling bell, sweet and lilting... and a disposition to match. talented beyond imagination -- dance, song and sport in equal measure. not lacking in brains either, notching up degrees and accolades that make parents stand up proud. in short, a wonderful dream of a girl. but the best part of her is this... she never gets flustered. or if she does, it doesnt show. not a hint of anger ever and her smile doesnt leave her pretty oval face. she's like a breeze that walks into a room -- always cool and composed. poised with a capital p. everyone's fav niece and model child grew up without losing an ounce of that perfection.
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i met her at a bookstore and immediately knew we would be friends. warm, enterprising and smart with oodles of style and panache. her petite frame belies the strength and stamina with which she can scale steep mountainsides, not losing breath. shooting baskets better than guys and rattling off college football team names without batting an eyelid. if you want an engaging narrative, listen to her speak. she dresses up a house and keeps it looking like a museum with meticulous effort deftly hidden from the public. but the best part of her is this... she rises way above pettiness and opens up to let the world in. so confident and self-assured is she, she has a smile for everyone ("if you see someone who doesn't have a smile, give them one") and genuine love for her friends that she shows in beautiful ways they treasure forever.
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if i think of friends, i cannot not think of him. his energy invigorates you no matter how exhausted you are. and his passion for fun infuses whole groups of people. the life of parties and the most vocal guy around -- and one who loves his phone ;), you seek him out to make things happen. he comes from the lap of luxury but anyone more down-to-earth is impossible to find. sport comes to him naturally -- whether he thunders down the bowling alley or slams a forehand cross court. but what comes more naturally to him is niceness. this guy genuinely cares. the best part of him is this... even if he is down, out and broke, he'll stand up with a smile and make you feel special.
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all people i meet affect me in different ways and i always look to learn from the encounters. rising above pettiness, poise and calm in the face of cynicism or adversity, genuine affection, uncomrpomising fidelity to friends, an honest openness that makes you implicitly trust, making people feel special -- all these are qualities i cherish.

i hope someday i am to my friends the inspiration they have been...
and above all, i hope i never take them for granted.