hopes, dreams, nailbiting scenes

sanjana started school. apprehension, a nervousness not unlike one before an exam, anxiety to get everything right, the mom (and dad!) all agog the previous day. change of clothes? yes. marked and labeled? yes. water bottle? yes. swimsuit? yes. towel? yes. bag? ready.

6am, 25 July 2005. sanjana is all excited and wakes immediately. an hour and a half later, a washed and combed 4 year old in tow, the mom, grand mom and dad set off. dad is unloaded at BGA1 and the rest carry on for 50 kms to the new school.

yup, you read it right -- the school is all of 37 miles from home. tall white domed buildings with natural light flooding in, courtyards full of plants, a swimming pool, race tracks, tennis courts, and classrooms full of air. color (of skin, too) and talk everywhere. koreans, indians, germans, israelies, you name it -- back after a long break, catching up on time spent apart. these were boarders, week boarders, day scholars. some small people also float around like flowers -- sanjana's classmates. no uniform yet for these characters and their class rooms are a visual delight and a huge jungle jim sells the place to a little energetic sanjana.

suddenly she spies a set of matresses in the classroom -- stacked high waiting for nap time... "like the princess and the pea" she breathes excitedly! yes, but you will sleep on only one. not missing a beat, she says, "i only said it looks like princess and the pea!" yes doll, you're right. there was no "mommy, dont go," no "waaah," and i watch her pinkishness disappear into class. a flood of pride and a small sense of loneliness engulfs me... my partner for 3 months has other distractions now! i spend a nail-biting day with a million questions coursing through my idle mind.

needless and futile. "i love that school." she proclaims on her way back. the little yellow bus number four carries my hopes and dreams with it each morning and delivers them chattering away at 5:18pm. is she tired? not at all. "i still have to play!" wow. omlette and bread, chicken manchurian and rice+curds, idlies and sugar, sambhar rice in the "school restaurant," humming "horsy horsy something something clippetty clop," 2 days later sanjana is off to school again.

oh, and with her "bye mommy," goes my excuse for staying home ;)

earful of night and a handful of thoughts

i cannot call a dark outside 'morning.' if it's dark, it's night. and so, 4:20am, i sit by the window seat in the red room wolfing in an earful of night. a distant cuckoo (koel -- i associate these climactic crescendos of a south indian koel with summer holidays spent in mysore), a drone of a bus straining to pull up hill, an occasional toot of a taxi horn, a screech of a bat, clanging stirrings of coffee cups and saucepans, the idle hum of a ceiling fan, the yelp of a canine kicked out from its slumber... as the cool outside air blows gently on the nape of my neck, i ponder the milestones of July...

sanjana: consciousness; creator; creative; knowing right from wrong; gentle.
also: vivacious; loving; incredibly active; naughty; sharp; 90% angel.
she is 4 now (in all timezones). i hear her 4-ishness in many ways. more intelligent conversations have replaced toddler babble, her "why?"s now have a slight smile behind them as she knows how much they amuse us (and sometimes bug us), her independence has a life of its own -- "i'll do it, i'm 4 now." suddenly "mom, i am a vegetarian" and her little feet are in danger of outgrowing her newest pair of shoes -- all of 3 days old.

she begins school (and schoolbus) on monday. wow! that is going to be interesting. the school has sent a booklet of all things Indus. what to bring, how to dress, who to contact for various queries, calendar, etc, etc. it is a boarding school as well with instructions for both boarders and day-scholars (sanjana). almost three months of us having each other for company is about to change. wonder who will react how.

supriya (my li'l sis) turns 28 today. she looks not a day over 16 and probably never will, the lucky thing. with a doctorate behind her, she is one of my 'most admired' people. an ageless face notwithstanding, she swims beautifully, graceful, poised, socially conscious, pragmatic, intelligent (ok, except for math -- ha ha ha -- she'll kill me), artistic (havent seen a better kathak dancer & sings really well too), does off-the-beaten-track stuff -- she's been a DJ among other things -- and argues till the sun goes down when she is convinced about something. easily my favorite travel & idle time companion, i learn something from her each time we chat -- and we chat every day! i love the fact that sanjana looks and acts like supriya ;)
happy birthday chetaps.

ok, now various lights are going on in rooms and more cuckoos and crows have decided to shrug off the night. no sun yet, but all signs point to an imminent showing ;) and with it sublimates the magic of reminiscing.

coffee, anyone?

more pictures from this weekend

Sanjana peeking from a bamboo grove at the school of ancient wisdom, bangalore

a monkey romps around on the entrance gate to the 9th century AD temple.
The entrance to the old old temple. ruins sate off to one side under a huge rain tree.

9th century A.D. Chola Temple

on a very hot sunday morning, after a long stint at the 'school of ancient wisdom' (more about that in another post), we headed out to nandi hills. the countryside flickered by as we were tossed up and down enroute to the base. vineyards with hawkers selling some very big grapes out of season; large, rather gaudy and hence unsightly ganesha statues being decked out for the upcoming festival; the occasional bullock cart overladen with hay; a mangled unrecognizable vehicle lying in a heap beside an unmanned railway crossing (one can only guess what might have transpired); and then suddenly, a sharp right turn and the little village with carved stone bearing mute testament to Chola history in the form of a very interesting old temple dedicated to bhoganandishwara.

2 shrines side by side, an entertainment courtyard (used for marriages -- a kalyana mantapa) and a traditional bath (seen here, added to the temple in the 15th century) all made for a glimpse back in time. step in here and the self disappears as the surroundings come alive. cold, cool stone carved into all types of deities, demons and gate keepers; a carved spout that could be an alligator, elephant or human depending on your angle of view; a large ratha (or carved carriage) in monolithic stone; pillars and the floor bearing inscriptions in tamil; several columns and seated bulls (nandi) playing with light beams and yes, veshti-clad purohits (priests) going about business as usual, performing aartis (the meaning of this word -- and my name -- in another post) and reciting mantras peppered with nakshatras, rashis and gothras -- eagerly supplied by the devotees.

as i walked around through door after door into the stepped bath area, i suddenly remembered another time and another place that had made me feel like i was in another era -- chittorgarh. the stone floor and sheer carved walls here had that same quality of speaking as did the palace of padmini. shaking off the distraction, i walked around the bath taking in the surroundings (including clumps of hair lying in corners, no doubt the 'offerings' of unsuspecting 1 year-olds and eager, irrational parents) and wishing that the guy yelling to me 'take picture from here' would fly away. the quickest way to achieve that result seemed to be 'yes, but first from here.' after which either my mind never heard him, or he did evaporate.

and equally incongruously and almost intruding on this play of time, was a loudspeaker blaring from the surrounding nandi village. still, the mind is a wonderful thing with only the best memories frothing up, resolving the ambivalence. i have to go back there.

45 bombs go off in bangalore on thursday morning

i have never felt fear like this before. i was visiting with a very interesting lady who makes hand-made paper on sarjapur road (halour road) and suddenly, we heard, of course, but also 'felt' the blasts. our car shuddered, our dresses almost buffeted and our hair flew slightly. again, and again -- deafening -- we looked around wildly -- what? where? bombs? it was too powerful to be fireworks, and definitely not gunfire. this was the real stuff. then a deafening silence.

in those couple minutes, i felt helplessness, immense fear, anger, and almost ashamedly, some relief (that whatever had happened hadn't involved sanjana and me) -- a mix of emotions coursed thru my head... and incomprehensibly some workers' children nearby continued playing with their tires... did they not hear it? a small child started crying -- he heard it. sanjana was frightened and whimpering. i was shocked and looked up to see plume upon plume of jet black smoke.

and then the answer came... from our driver and corroborated by a small boy -- military bomb squad practice. it happens regularly? yes. every thursday morning. sheesh. and the construction going on all around?! those poor unsuspecting souls buying there (redwoods, palm vistas, trinity acres, vista del mar)... how will they live?

and all through the hour and a half i was in that area, our conversation was regularly interrupted by the ear splitting, window rattling bombs.... and a cowering, cuddling ear-closing sanjana.

for the first time, i realized first hand what power a bomb holds. over 1km away, and we still felt the waves.... suddenly the damage bombs can do -- literally and to a child's psyche -- jumped out of a small CRT and became all too real.

inanity versus genius (well, almost)

i just came back from watching main hoon na -- well fast-forwarded most of it, actually. contrast that with going to the theatre twice in 2 days to watch parineeta. and i'll go again. the hindi film industry needs to reevaluate its awards system if it ever awarded people like that light-eyed, 'ash'en-faced, arched-eyebrowed pseud (unohoo i mean) for devdas or HDDCS. did devdas win any awards? did SRK win awards for devdas? that woman win? anyone? geez.

ms.world, take a lesson from first-timer ms. balan. in fact, missworld it will take you several lessons to get there and you still might envelop the best roles in your silly giggles and ridiculous affectations.

and SRK? much as i like you, saif bests you eeeeeasily in parineeta. one comes out feeling replete -- like one knows shekhar and lalita. and that is an actor's obligation, dont you think?

ok. maybe i am being overly critical. but see parineeta and tell me you dont feel like you were there. i would consider the competition over right now.

oh, but i have not seen sarkar yet. saif, maybe bachchan will still deny you something you richly deserve.

phantom dvd menace, singharas and fish masala.

so we bought this DVD player from a rather famous consumer electronics chain called Viveks. and discovered much to my chagrin and embarassment that it doesnt play US DVDs. this after calling a bunch of people over to watch a rented movie (phantom menace -- and please dont pass judgement on the choice of movie.) and so it transpired that late one sunday evening through driving rain, we took the piece back to Viveks.

after much debating about why it doesnt play, i pointed to a line in the user manual that clearly shows what symbol means what and that it was clearly stated that this would play only "india region" dvds. then why did he sell it to us even after we asked for one that "could play anything," i demanded angrily. "i dont know all this, sir." the manager strode lazily by at the commotion and asked "yaako (why, man), didnt show demo, aa?" "no." manager turns to us... "you should ask for demo, no." the customer service chap adds "when you take it home, you must call technician, always works like that." haan?

and then the last straw. i said to the man that when a customer buys a brand new piece out of your shop, it should at least work! "not my problem sir. no, cannot give refund. cannot exchange also, sir." was i hearing right? i lost it at this point. i yelled in kannada (a HUGE achievement) that their customer service was awful and that we would never come back and moreover no one we knew will come back there, etc. etc. i even threw in a "i work at intel and no one in intel will ever come to your shop!" (imagine that ;))

finally, almost cowering, "wokay, i will call technician. give me one day."
and so the piece is back in the shop. my guests watched a little of the movie on my laptop. and today i "wait for call." hopefully the thing will work and play like it should.

piece of advice, stay away from philips dvd players for region codes play havoc with your plans ;). safe bet, stick to panasonic (believe it or not!) or samsung.

oh, and if you got this far, you'll guess that the KH road (double road) viveks has awful customer service.

on the brighter side, have discovered -- thanks to shalu -- a dvd rental place that delivers! and customer service here is everything to write home about. courteous, willing and very able. coupons and websites all in working order assure a steady supply for your viewing pleasure.
where? who? mothay's on infantry road. good stuff.

oh, and other stuff discovered over the weekend -- the singharas from KC das are finger licking good (i'm targeting a luchi lunch with aloo dum next -- the bengalis make it the best!). walk down on a sunday morning and pack up some hot hot ones to chow while it rains -- yummm. saturday night hung out at koshy's. the fish masala in koshy's was yumm (and the crowd adds to the flavor-- journalists, photographer types, theatre people -- wish they wore name tags tho!) picked up canvases and art stuff -- acrylics -- at commercial street... wished for a JJ school of art-style shop tho.

bangalore is cool... but kabhi kabhi mere dil mein bombay ki yaad aati hai. hum wahan hote to aisa hota, hum yeh karte, hum woh karte... which reminds me... i need to have ganne ka ras! is there an experimental theatre here i can go hang out at? a magazine editor i can go meet?

the education and exploration continues....

A bangle seller in Devraj market. I noticed only after seeing the end result that he had looked at me just as i was clicking the photo.

Click to enlarge. Copyright Arati Rao 2005

Tibetans, Muslims shopping in Mysore's Devraj market

Click to enlarge. Copyright Arati Rao 2005

Little monks strolling outside Namdroling

Click to enlarge. Copyright Arati Rao 2005

namdroling monastery, bylakuppe, india

Click to enlarge. Copyright Arati Rao 2005

after long...

... sorry for the long hiatus... my grand mom was turning 80 (yup!) and it was awesome being with her for it. sahasrachandra darshana -- the lady who has seen a 1000 full moons... by the time you are eighty, that's how many full moons you'll have seen.

and i also just got back from tibet.
don't believe it? check this photo ;)

tsering dorjee (our lhasa guide's brother) showed us around and that got us into places normally out of bounds "too many indians come by." in the main monastery namdroling, we ran into Pema -- seen here with sanjana. he patiently explained the significance of the three dimensional mandala and other buddhist philosophy and was extremely interested in hearing how Lhasa was, how tibet was. "are the monks there free?" "are the people free?" he has never been there, never stepped out of Bylakuppe. Most of these monks are born and brought up in india and only dream of tibet. pema, however had a philosophical view of the tibet issue and of the world in general. his inner peace allowed him to make peace with the situation and just hearing him speak was reassuring.

bylakuppe itself is a little tibet, minus the snow mountains, altitude sickness and the nomads. these refugees have resignation in their eyes and some of them even seemed like they were right at home with being here. "india is our home now" hmmm. i am not elevated like Pema and my blood boils at the hopelessness and apathy of the world. i wished fervently that the "boycott chinese goods" signs posted everywhere created a dent and could change at least something.

back in mysore, i had a good time, visiting the market and walking around quite a bit (photos are here for your viewing pleasure;)). i love that little city. we pigged out at the chowpatty chat mela at the hotel metropole (the swankiest 5 star hotel in mysore) for just Rs.79 (<$2, all you can eat!) and then walked back home which was a great workout in gorgeous weather.

sanjana found a new playmate and friend in her cousin ashwin and i just enjoyed seeing them together. i miss sanjana. left her behind in mysore since her school has not yet begun. mr. rao is in budapest (the lucky dog!).

and as you can tell, i'm on my couch. ouch ;)